Co-parenting with a Narcissist

Oct 07, 2021
co-parenting

The day we had officially moved out and we were sitting up in our new home, I told my son that I was sorry that daddy was no longer going to be living with us. His answer truly surprised me. He said that it was all better now because it was going to be no more screaming in the house and he knew his daddy was mean. While I was struggling to leave him without his father figure by leaving, I thought I was hurting him, but even though he was at a very young age, he had seen, and he knew. He knew that his daddy's attitudes were not the right ones. He knew how bad it made him feel. And it was starting to take a toll on him.

The problem is that we sometimes don't even realize what our children are seeing, what they're feeling and what they're learning. The truth is they see it all. They know it all. They live it and while we're trying to protect them from something, we think they know nothing what's going on. We're not actually saving them by staying in this type of relationship because they know what's going on. The longer you stay in this type of relationship what they're learning is that this is okay because you, as a parent are letting it be okay by staying in this type of relationship.

 

Contra-parenting

Now, when you leave, they will try to do anything to get to you to get back at you. They will try anything, it doesn't matter who's involved, including your child. I know this is a hard one and it's very hard to take in and accept, but when it comes to losing control of you, they can use anything to hurt you and continue to drama, even if he has to use his kid to do it.

They use the so-called co-parenting and turn it into contra parenting. Trying to manipulate you while they're projecting themselves on you as a parent. They play the victim, making it seem that they are the best parent and you are just not good enough. Constantly attacking you to make sure you respond and give them the idea that they are in the right and you are in the wrong. They don't care about what all this drama does to the child. It's about what is doing to you, but you can turn the wheels. There are three things that I can tell you to do to help you with this kind of situation. It'll never be perfect, but you can deal with it.

 

3 tips to handle co-parenting with the narcissist

1. Stop communicating with your narcissist - Unless it's related to your child. No more talking to them about anything else that doesn't have to do with your child, limit the conversation to your child.

2. Whatever communication or text that you are involved with them in only answer the part that pertains to your child. Pick apart, whatever messages or conversations you were involved with them and just answer the part that it's necessary for them to realize or know about their child. Whatever you do and your life is about, it's not their problem unless it's affecting your child.

3. Document everything -  This is the time that you started documenting. In the beginning. I wasn't documenting, but later I sat down and I looked through all my pictures. All his wrongdoings, all the times that he missed, bad-mouthing me, everything. 

It's more about recognizing how this works and working for the benefit of your child. Now that I have full custody of my child, it is up to my child, whether he wants to spend time with his dad or not and he does now he does because he's not forced because he does miss his father sometimes, but he makes it his way.


Everything worked perfectly in his favor because he knew how to manipulate them. Co-parenting with a narcissist is not easy, but it can get better. The most important thing that you have to know is that you are dealing with a narcissist and they're not easy to co-parent with.

 

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