I taught my children how to lie, to stay safe from my abuser and his flying monkeysOct 14, 2021
I taught my children how to lie, to stay safe from my abuser and his flying monkeys. Let me explain. For over 14 years, I had lived in the shadow of this man. I have lived in the shadow of a man I didn't know was abusing me financially, emotionally, psychologically, in every way possible. I had no idea that it was abuse. While you're in it. It's not always easy, but when you leave, you see things in a different light and that's exactly what happened to me. While I was with him I was used to having to hide things. For example, when I say financial abuse, I had to buy the stuff that I needed and I had to hide it from him.
I couldn't let him know that I was spending money on the things that I needed. I was lying. I was lying to him and I was lying to myself all the time. It became so common and so much a part of my life that I didn't realize every time I came up with a lie. I had made excuses. Everything was a lie and the biggest lie of all was the fact that I thought this was love. Another lie was the fact that I thought I loved him. It wasn't about love.
I taught myself how to lie and the best way possible
So he would never find out that I was lying. He thought he could play the same game. It didn't work and I would catch him all the time, but then whenever I did catch him, it was always my fault. It was my fault that I didn't trust him. It was my fault that he did that. It was my fault, my fault, my fault. So I decided that I needed to leave this relationship. And when I did, everything was normal. My life was starting to fall back into place.
My children were happier. I was happier and then he started to want it to come into my life, again. He wanted to see the kids. He wanted to be closer to them. He wanted to talk to me more often than not, and he was trying to love bomb me after I had left him. Sadly because he is the father of my child. I could not go no contact, but even then I didn't even know that that's what I had to do.
I taught my children to lie
At one point, I realized that I was no longer happy that I was out of this relationship. I was just a sad and as hurt and as broken as I had been while I was in this relationship. And it was in this moment in time that I decided that to live in a safe world, in a safe environment where I wouldn't be judged, criticized, hurt or accused I had to lie. But now it wasn't just me because these people were involved in my life. I had to lie about almost everything. I had to lie about who I dated, when I dated. I had to lie about where I was with whom, for how long. I had to lie about my financials. I had to lie where the kids went. I had to lie about everything.
And it was already something that I could not do on my own. Therefore, this is when I taught my children to lie. I had to teach my children to lie so we could be safe from all these people around us, including my ex. We all had to lie. We all had to have the same story. It was hard to keep tabs on everything, but everything that didn't seem like we were living the perfect life, I felt had to be rearranged.
For example, small things like if I didn't cook for three or four days and we had fast food, I felt that that information had to be hidden because they weren't having healthy meals. I felt that we went to visit somebody and came home too late. We had to lie about the time that we had been there. I felt at this point in my life that everything that we were doing, trying to live a normal, happy life as a single mom had to be covered up and had to be lied about. This was not easy. It was just as hurtful. It was just as heavy on us as everything else. But this was the only way that we felt safe. When I say we, I know my young one was too young to know or understand any of this but my daughter was old enough to understand what was going on. My daughter knew exactly why we were doing it and that we have to keep on doing it.
There was no other way that we could live a happy, healthy life. If we didn't lie about everything that we did. We were criticized about where we went, not only by him but we were criticized by the flying monkeys that were involved in our lives. These people, we can't shake off.
I was teaching my children how to lie, to stay safe in a life that we were building together. I was teaching my children how to keep themselves safe.
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