I think I can change for him (Part I)Oct 28, 2021
I think I can change for him. This is a very inaccurate way of thinking. A person will only change if they deem it necessary to change, to go further or deeper into wherever it is their path. You will make the necessary changes to move into your path as well. It doesn't matter what you do in your life, what you look like, it's not going to make somebody stay with you. When a person cheats, it's not always because the other person is prettier.
You always want to look better for your partner and as women we are more into this. We always want to look our best and be fit and lose weight and we always feel like we can do something better, but let me tell you this. We do this for ourselves because we are our own worst critic. You do not need to change for anybody. It doesn't matter the changes that you make, if you're wrong for that person, you still going to be wrong for that person. If that person doesn't love you for who you are, you're making the changes for the wrong person.
Now let me tell you a story, after I left my toxic relationship, I met another toxic person. I felt I needed to become somebody different because of how badly I had been hurt and how broken my mind and my heart were from everything that I had been through. There were a lot of things that I did not have clear, and I know that there's a lot of you out there going through this right now as well, or have been through it and can relate.
I thought that me being in my forties, it would be easier to meet somebody. Therefore, when this person showed back up, I said, it's like, "ok this is fate. It should be it". I bent myself over backwards to be what this person wanted, what I thought that this person wanted. Everything that he expressed, everything that he said about his exes and his last relationship and his friends, everything that he was saying led me to believe that I knew exactly what he wanted.
And I tried to be this person, he was pointing out what he wanted. Everything that he had mentioned, I was trying to be, I was trying to learn how to cook and make dinner every night. I was trying to be a certain size. I was trying to be healthy, fit available. What I am trying to say with this story is that I want it to become the picture that he was putting out there. And I did every single thing. I hit every point that he had made and still when the time came, I was not what he wanted, because it didn't matter what he thought he wanted.
He should have seen me for me
He should have already seen it in me prior to me making the changes. Me making these changes would have done nothing for this person because this person already saw me in a certain way. I'm trying to tell you today is that it doesn't matter what you try to do the person that is for you will love you exactly as you are.
You have to understand that you can't change to be exactly what somebody else wants, because you can be the right package, but if you were at the wrong address, you're the wrong package. It doesn't matter how you wrap yourself around for you to be the best package or be the perfect gift for such person. If you're not meant to be with that person, if that person can't see you for who you are, then this is not the person for you.
Changing to be something that you are not, will bite you in the behind later on in life. Why? Because you can only wear a mask for so long. I have been talking about narcissistic personality for a while now, and we talk about the narcissistic mask, the mask falls at some point in time, the mask falls in front of certain people.
You have to be you, no matter what.
You might want to attract a certain person, but if they're not attracted to you, it doesn't matter what you do. They won't come to you and if they do that might come for something specific on, it's not exactly what you were looking for. You need to learn to be you and you need to be at peace with you. Wanting to be somebody else it's not going to get you what you want. Working on yourself to become things that you want to become. Like, if you want to study and become a professional, if you want to work out and eat, right? So you can lose the weight and be fit.
These are things that you can work towards, identify them and work with them to become better. It doesn't mean that I'm trying to change who I am. I am just trying to find the best version of me, not the best version of my neighbor, not the best version of a model that I saw on TV, not the best version of a mom that has the full support of a whole family behind her when you have no support and are doing it by yourself.
Stop wanting to be other people and work on yourself for what you want to become. We can always be a better version of ourselves. What you can not be as try to be something that you are not, or try to be somebody else. Not for you, not for anybody else. The longer you try to be something that you are not the longer, you're also trying to fool yourself and the longer you fool yourself the longer, it's going to take you to get to wherever you want to go. It's time that you face the reality and you'll get yourself in the mirror and realize that you are a masterpiece. Masterpieces are not common. You are your own masterpiece and you have to admire yourself for what you are. It doesn't mean that everybody in the world is going to love you know you and like you. No. There's a lot of people that when you walk into a room, you shake their demons and they're still not going to like you. There's always going to be people that don't like you, people that envy you people that are jealous of you, people that want to be like you, and you might be wanting to change yourself, but there might be others that are looking to be exactly like you.
What I want to tell you today is don't stop being who you are for you or for anybody else be you authentically. Be you! The best gift is to be you, admire you, believe you and work every day to being the best version of yourself. Not for anybody else, but for yourself.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for joining me during my journey, because I am here to help women heal and move on from toxic relationships, but helping you has also been helping me, because I have learned a lot from you and I have learned from the things that you have written to me and the things that you've shared with me. You can always DM me on Instagram @RaquelColina. There's different ways that we can connect right there. There's even a free guidebook, 11 signs that you're in a toxic relationship. You can download the guidebook, here.
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