Episode 47 I think I can change him
Well, hello there and thank you for joining me for another episode of let's his face it. Today is episode
number 47. I think I can change for him.
This is a very inaccurate way of thinking. A person will only change if they deem it necessary to change,
to go further or deeper into wherever it is their path. You will make the necessary changes to move into
your path as well. It doesn't matter what you do in your life, what you look like, it's not going to make
somebody stay with you. When a person cheats, it's not always because the other person is prettier.
It's not because the other person is fit, and the other person is fat. It's not because one person has
children and the other one doesn't. It has nothing to do with your essence as a person who you are, will
attract who wants you to let me ask you this. If your best friend, opposite sex, went to the gym became
really fit and really toned.
Will that change your perception of your best friend? Would that change the way that you feel towards
this person? In my opinion, in my case, no it wouldn't because I love this person for what they are and
what they bring into my life. So if that can happen with a best friend, with a person that is very close and
dear to you, and they can change for the better, they can become their best self and you're still going to
love him in the same way that you love them right now, unless there's an interest between the two that
awakes and you were not aware, that is totally different, but because your best friend, your friends, or
coworkers, because they change and they look better or they're nicer doesn't mean that you can like the
more we love the people that are around us for who they are. It doesn't matter what they look like.
You always want to look better for your partner and as women we are more into this. We always want
to look our best and be fit and lose weight and we always feel like we can do something better but let
me tell you this. We do this for ourselves because we are our own worst critic. You do not need to
change for anybody. It doesn't matter the changes that you make, if you're wrong for that person, you
still going to be wrong for that person. If that person doesn't love you for who you are, you're making
the changes for the wrong person.
Now let me tell you a story, after I left my toxic relationship, I met another toxic person. This person had
been in my life prior to my toxic relationship many eons ago. I had remembered this person in a very
specific way from back in my past. When this person showed up in my present time, I thought of this
person the same way I thought of back then.
The problem is that I was certain that this person could be the one. Number one I had just left a toxic
relationship. Number two, I told him everything that went wrong in my other relationship. So, he used
that against me. Now, that is not the story that I want to tell you today. What I want to tell you is this.
I felt I needed to become somebody different because of how badly I had been hurt and how broken my
mind and my heart were from everything that I had been through. There were a lot of things that I did
not have clear, and I know that there's a lot of you out there going through this right now as well or
have been through it and can relate.
I thought that me being in my forties, it would be easier to meet somebody. Therefore, when this
person showed back up, I said, it's like, "ok this is fate. It should be it". I bent myself over backwards to
be what this person wanted, what I thought that this person wanted. Everything that he expressed,
everything that he said about his exes and his last relationship and his friends, everything that he was
saying led me to believe that I knew exactly what he wanted.
And I tried to be this person, he was pointing out that he wanted. Everything that he had mentioned, I
was trying to be, I was trying to learn how to cook and make dinner every night. I was trying to be a
certain size. I was trying to be healthy, fit available. What I am trying to say with this story is that I want
it to become the picture that he was putting out there. And I did every single thing. I hit every point that
he had made and still when the time came, I was not what he wanted, because it didn't matter what he
thought he wanted.
He should have already seen it in me prior to me making the changes. Me making these changes would
have done nothing for this person because this person already saw me in a certain way. I'm trying to tell
you today is that it doesn't matter what you try to do the person that is for you will love you exactly as
you are.
The person that criticizes you the most, it?s you and you know, this. You look at yourself in the mirror
and you pick apart every little thing of your being. And I know because I do it all the time. We are always
looking for things that we don't like so we can fix them, but not everything that you see others see. Not
every little imperfection that you see other people will see.
Let me give you another example, I?ve had two kids and I am very aware of my mom pouch on every
time I work out, I work out for the benefit of reducing that because its kind of bothers me and it's always
been something that I've been working for. I remember one time I asked my partner something
regarding my mom pouch. Do you know what he said? "What mom pouch?" He hadn't noticed and our
child was four to five years old. He hadn't noticed it because he wasn't looking for that and you have to
understand that you can't change to be exactly what somebody else wants, because you can be the right
package.
But if you were at the wrong address, You're the wrong package. It doesn't matter how you wrap
yourself around for you to be the best package or be the perfect gift for such person. If you're not meant
to be with that person, if that person can't see you for who you are, then this is not the person for you.
Changing to be something that you are not will bite you in the behind later on in life. Why? Because you
can only wear a mask for so long. I have been talking about narcissistic personality for a while now, and
we talk about the narcissistic mask, the mask falls at some point in time, the mask falls in front of certain
people.
Their mask doesn't stay a hundred percent of the time we discover who they are because their mask
falls off either in front of us or either in front of somebody that we know love and trust. And this person
has seen it. We realize that this is not the person that we knew and loved because the mask falls off.
This is a personality disorder and even them, drop their mask. Imagine how it will be for you if you're
trying to be somebody else. And at some point, it catches up with you. I had a friend long time ago,
whenever she dated somebody, she would always tell us, " don't tell him I'm smoking". " Don't tell him I
drink".
If you are a smoker, you have to tell this person that you are a smoker. Cause at one point in time,
they're going to catch you. You can't tell a person that you don't drink because the time that you drink
with them, they're going to obviously know that that wasn't a person that you were. You need to come
clean and be yourself. Whatever mask, whatever costume you want to put on so you can make
somebody love you, it will only last a very short period of time. If you can actually do it at all.
You have to be you, no matter what. You might want to attract a certain person, but if they're not
attracted to you, it doesn't matter what you do. They won't come to you and if they do that might come
for something specific on, it's not exactly what you were looking for. You need to learn to be you and
you need to be at peace with you. Wanting to be somebody else it's not going to get you what you want.
Working on yourself to become things that you want to become. Like, if you want to study and become
a professional, if you want to work out and eat, right? So, you can lose the weight and be fit.
These are things that you can work towards, identify them and work with them to become better. It
doesn't mean that I'm trying to change who I am. I am just trying to find the best version of me, not the
best version of my neighbor, not the best version of a model that I saw on TV, not the best version of a
mom that has the full support of a whole family behind her when you have no support and are doing it
by yourself.
Stop wanting to be other people and work on yourself for what you want to become. We can always be
a better version of ourselves. What you cannot be as trying to be something that you are not or try to
be somebody else. Not for you, not for anybody else. The longer you try to be something that you are
not the longer, you're also trying to fool yourself and the longer you fool yourself the longer, it's going to
take you to get to wherever you want to go. It's time that you face the reality, and you'll get yourself in
the mirror and realize that you are a masterpiece. Masterpieces are not common. You are your own
masterpiece, and you have to admire yourself for what you are. It doesn't mean that everybody in the
world is going to love you know you and like you. No. There's a lot of people that when you walk into a
room, you shake their demons and they're still not going to like you. There's always going to be people
that don't like you, people that envy you people that are jealous of you, people that want to be like you,
and you might be wanting to change yourself, but there might be others that are looking to be exactly
like you.
What I want to tell you today is don't stop being who you are for you or for anybody else be you
authentically. Be you! The best gift is to be you, admire you, believe you and work every day to being
the best version of yourself. Not for anybody else, but for yourself and your children, if you have
children. Try to always be an example of something better for them.
You're never going to be perfect. It doesn't matter what you do. You can work to be your best self. You
can work to be better, have a better character, be more loving, be quieter, be less argumentative. You
can work on yourself on the flaws that you see but trying to be somebody else for somebody who's not
even admiring what they have in front of.
No, I'm sorry, but no. Learn to love yourself the way that you are, because it doesn't matter what you
turn yourself into for this other person in the long run. You're not the package that we're looking for and
the thing is that when you see the package that they get here are going to be so surprised, but you're
also going to be hurt because you put in so much work to be everything they want to.
And that's not even what they want it. Be proud, learn to love yourself for you. It isn't until you can
make yourself happy and learn to be alone and be happy that you will actually find healthy happiness.
You do not need to be with people around you, learn to love to be alone. So, you can learn to value
yourself even more. This will also help you when you're healing from a toxic, abusive relationship.
I hope that I've gotten my message across because I love you. Thank you for listening to the podcast, but
more than that, I love you for coming back and listening to ways that you can be a better person for
ways to come out of your toxic relationship or you could be listening to help somebody else.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for joining me during my journey, because I am here to help
women heal and move on from toxic relationships, but helping you has also been helping me, because I
have learned a lot from you, and I have learned from the things that you have written to me and the
things that you've shared with me. You can always DM me on Instagram at Raquel Colina. You can also
subscribe to my mailing list. You can go to https://rakelcolina.com/connect And there's different ways
that we can connect right there. There's even a free guidebook, 11 signs that you're in a toxic
relationship. You can go and download the guidebook.
1
1
? 2021 Let's Just Face It Rakel Colina, LLC
