Well, hello there and thank you for joining me for another episode of let's just face it. Today is episode
number 45. Co-parenting with a narcissist and a child's point of view. I always knew when I left him, he
would really have to put in time with our son. While we were living together, he never truly parented
or had much to do with our son. Therefore, I knew the day I left, he would have to make the time
because he no longer would be available to him to just come in and say good night or watch some TV
together. At the same time, I was also afraid of breaking their relationship because he was a boy and I
felt like he needed his father.
I was afraid of leaving him with no father figure. That quickly came to an end the day I realize he was
changing, and he was absorbing all the crap his dad was putting me through. That day, it all clicked. I
knew that day that I had to leave him. I had to remove my son from this way of living. And I wanted him
to be a better version of a man that his father was.
The day we had officially moved out and we were sitting up in our new home, I told my son that I was
sorry that daddy was no longer going to be living with us. His answer truly surprised me. He said that it
was all better now because it was going to be no more screaming in the house and he knew his daddy
was mean. While I was struggling to leave him without his father figure by leaving, I thought I was
hurting him, but even though he was at a very young age, he had seen, and he knew. He knew that his
daddy's attitudes were not the right ones. He knew how bad it made him feel. And it was starting to take
a toll on him.
The problem is that we sometimes don't even realize what our children are seeing, what they're feeling
and what they're learning. The truth is they see it all. They know it all. They live it and while we're trying
to protect them from something, we think they know nothing about they know everything that is going
We're not actually saving them by staying in this type of relationship because they know what's going
on. The longer you stay in this type of relationship what they're learning is that this is okay because
you, as a parent are letting it be okay by staying in this type of relationship.
Now, when you leave, they will try to do anything to get to you to get back at you. They will try anything,
it doesn't matter who's involved, including your child. I know this is a hard one and it's very hard to take
in and accept, but when it comes to losing control of you, they can use anything to hurt you and
continue to drama, even if he has to use his kid to do it.
As sad as that may sound, that is exactly what they do. These types of people will never co-parent with
you. For them, it's not about the best interest of your child, it's about how to make you pay and how to
make you feel bad and make things more difficult. It doesn't matter what you present to them. They will
always have something to say or a problem with whatever you're bringing to the table.
I will tell you about my situation, just to give you a point of view of things that can actually happen.
After I left my ex, I've always had full custody of my kids. I asked for a little bit more of child support and
because he was making a lot more money at the time, he asked for a 50, 50 custody split I was sure he
wouldn't get it because his job hours would simply not allow it.
He was always at work. He barely even saw the child when we were living together. But now he had a
wife and that simply didn't matter. He got 50/50 split. I don't have to tell you this broke my heart, but
not just my heart it broke my son's heart too. My son got to the point that he didn't want to go. Started
telling people that he hated his dad, his dad didn't care and took advantage of the court papers and kept
forcing our son to be at his house for the days that he legally had to have him.
Not only that but I had switched schools before all of this happened to have them be closer to me as I
was the only parent dealing with the school stuff. Well, he made him switch back schools. I am not the
type of parent that likes to make many changes. I had left them over there as long as I could just to not
make a change.
Now he wanted to switch him back after he had been in this school for almost a year. I later found out
that he had been many belated and threatened into saying that he wanted to go back to his old school,
when he was asked in front of me. Of course, after all of this went on for a while, it didn't last that long.
I realized it was all a show. He was never with the boy or basically saw him on the days that he worked.
Like I said it was impossible his work schedule will not permit him to do this. It got old for him. He
started slipping and I of course took advantage and requested custody, full custody this time.
But this hurt my son. It wasn't about him. It wasn't about hurting me. It was all about asking the kid
what I did, how I did it when and where I did it and with whom. It was such a forced relationship that my
son wanted nothing to do with him any longer. It was so much about me that he even asked an eight-
If he thought I did drugs with my then partner behind closed doors. My son had no idea what drugs
were, and I had to start this conversation at a very young age because he was so set on hurting me, he
was not realizing which they never do the damage that they're inflicting on the child. It was not about
This is about how to screw over the most and they know that our kids are straight shot to the heart and
that's how they do it.
They use the so-called co-parenting and turn it into contra parenting. Trying to manipulate you while
they're projecting themselves on you as a parent. They play the victim, making it seem that they are the
best parent, and you are just not good enough. They constantly attack you just to make sure you
respond and that gives them the idea that they are in the right and you are in the wrong. They don't
care about what all this drama does to the child. It's about what is doing to you, but you can turn the
wheels. There are three things that I can tell you to do to help you with this kind of situation. It'll never
be perfect, but you can deal with it.
Number one stop communicating with your narcissist. Unless it's related to your child. No more talking
to them about anything else that doesn't have to do with your child, limit the conversation to your child.
Number two, whatever communication or text that you are involved with them in only answer the part
that pertains to your child. Pick apart, whatever messages or conversations you were involved with
them and just answer the part that it's necessary for them to realize or know about their child.
Whatever you do and your life is about, it's not their problem, unless it's affecting your child.
Number three, document everything. This is the time that you started documenting. At the beginning. I
wasn't documenting, I didn't write down any of these things that were happening when they were
together. But later I sat down, and I looked through all my pictures. I looked through all my texts. I
looked through everything and put together a draft of everything that had been going on during all this
time. All his wrongdoings, all the times that he missed, bad mouthing me, everything. I just wrote it
down on a piece of paper.
I sent it to my lawyer, and I said, I want to fight for full custody I had been at a disadvantage the first
time, because he was more financially stable and of course now they had two incomes because he had
gotten married. I am still a single mom, so it was harder for me. But as soon as I was able to lift myself
up financially, I had decided that I was going to do this.
As soon as I documented everything, I was able to present it to my lawyer and we didn't even have to go
to court because the things that were written in those papers, he did it like. He didn't like everything
that I had remembered and everything that I had witnessed to be brought out. All of a sudden, he
wanted a negotiation.
We do this and you get the child back. All I wanted was my child back. I didn't even ask for more money
now that I was going to be spending more time with my son and he was going to be spending less, or
maybe no time at all with the child, sometimes even if you need the money, it's more about the health
and the needs of your child.
Sometimes even when we need the money, we have to let the money go just for the sake of our child.
And in my case, thank God that in this moment in time, I was able to say, I don't care about your money.
I just want my child back. I know that not everybody can get to this point, but that's how I got my son
back because I document everything.
When you find yourself at odds, dealing with a narcissist parent, it is never going to be easy. It is never
going to be easy because they do not want to co-parent with you. They want to make you seem like
you're the bad parent, they want to seem like they're the cool parent and they will do anything that they
can to bring you down so they can lift themselves back up.
They don't know how to lift themselves up without putting you down. That's the number one and then
they just don't care all the repercussions that this has on the kid, because it's not about co-parenting for
them. It's about making you pay. And this hurt. It hurts you as a mom looking towards your child and
because we love differently than these people. And we can't understand how somebody can be wired
this way, how somebody can feel this way, but it's not about you understanding how they work or how
they're wired. It's about you understanding how this works so you can do the best thing for your child.
It's more about recognizing how this works and working for the benefit of your child. Now that I have
full custody of my child, it is up to my child, whether he wants to spend time with his dad or not and he
does now he does because he's not forced because he does miss his father sometimes, but he makes it
If he wants to go, he'll go. If he doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to go. If he goes for a night and
decides to come back, it's his choice. And he's able to do that while we were on the strict confines of
whatever the court wanted us to do, I was afraid of losing custody of my child due to all the lies that he
had presented in the courtroom.
I did not dare to take a stand for my child because I was unsure of how it could affect in my case; I took a
big blow to the head. I had to take it. I had to man up to whatever the court said about me, because I
did not want this to end up badly with everything that he had done to try to take 50, 50. The court
seeing that he was married, he was looked up as the person at a stable relationship and because I was a
single mom, it was not looked at the way.
This was very hard for me at this point in time, I was really hurt because I could not find a happy
medium to deal with my child and deal with. It was very painful to see how everything was destroying
my child from the inside out and still to this day, I realized the changes that came upon him due to this,
but for the benefit of my child, I had to go through this because I was afraid if I did anything other than
what the court said, I could have lost because of everything he had done in court to undermine me
Everything worked perfectly in his favor because he knew how to manipulate them. Co-parenting with a
narcissist is not easy, but it can get better. The most important thing that you have to know is that you
are dealing with a narcissist and they're not easy to co-parent with.
? 2021 Let's Just Face It Rakel Colina, LLC