30. Trauma Bonding - Why doesn't she just leave him?

Episode #30

Trauma bonding is a psychological response to abuse. This happens when an abused person forms an unhealthy bond with their abuser. The person that is experiencing or exposed to this abuse may even develop sympathy for the abuser, this becomes reinforced by cycles of abuse and then remorse. 

Trying to leave a toxic or abusive relationship comes with a lot to manage. Not only will you have to figure out how to proceed once you leave this person. It also plays a big part when you have to start planning where you are going to live, how will you support yourself- if this is something that you could even do, thinking of the things they will use against you, all of these might make you feel like you are tied to this person and it may be hard or even impossible to break away. 

This trauma bond comes by the alternating of kindness, intimacy and love, if you want to call it that. That’s why these relationships start off with love bombing, making you fall heavy and fast for this person, which also makes it so hard to see the abuse. You might realize the first sign of abuse and feel all kinds of confuse to the point that you dismiss it. Especially when he comes back to apologize for this type of behavior. Or just say that he was just upset. 

The reason why this works is because of the good feeling you get when you remember when you fell in love. Those beautiful days when it started, thinking that this is what he is capable of. 

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